(Men & women as well)
by Brandon Tanner
Loren and I conducted extensive research on sexually-intensive personal
ads on the Internet. Actually, Loren did most of the work. We felt it
more appropriate to have the female-to-female contact regarding the issue
of offering open sexual involvement through an ad on the Web.
The idea hatched when one of Loren's friends who entertains gentlemen,
in her home, on a discreet basis. I'll let Loren tell it.
LOREN: "Ashley is a consummate sex pot -- she never gets enough."
TANNER: You got that right. Damn, she's hot!
LOREN: "May I continue?"
TANNER: By all means.
LOREN: "Ashley has ads on at least a dozen adult personal sites; I think
she has a real active one on Sexy Ads. Anyway, she had entertained a guy
who was married and, of course, was cheating on his wife. The next day
Ashley gets a phone call from a woman who's completely ballistic. The
lady wants to know if she (Ashley) had fucked her husband."
TANNER: Trouble in River City.
LOREN: "Big trouble. Ashley denied everything and tried to tell the screaming
wife she had no idea what the woman was talking about. The lady pressed
on, she had Ashley's phone number, obviously, the date and time of the
encounter -- and Ashley's home address with directions to the front door!"
TANNER: The wife found the dude's E-mail.
LOREN: "Exactly -- she threatened Ashley with bodily harm and promised
to fix her for good, whatever that was supposed to mean."
TANNER: What came of it?
LOREN: "Thank God ... nothing. The wife must've taken it out on her husband
in some way. Ashley never heard from the guy or the woman again."
TANNER: That situation could've escalated into something very ugly. Is
Ashley okay with it now?
LOREN: "She was pretty shaken about the incident. I suggested she change
the ad and create another user name -- she did just that."
TANNER: So the research idea started with Ashley's near miss."
LOREN: "Yes, I started responding to women who were running personals
with a focus on having a sexual encounter. I told the ladies, up front,
I was doing research for your column in SAG. Most of them were thrilled
at the idea, but a few accused me of being a lez and told me to buzz off."
TANNER: We expected some of that kind of reaction. I got a bit of the
same from the men I wrote to, but for now, let's stay with your perspective.
Over all, I'd have to say the responses were positive.
LOREN: "Most were ... some of the women seemed to miss the dangers of what
they were exposing themselves to. Several ladies were shocked to learn
that married men leave themselves open by not hiding their E-mail. Many
wives are computer savvy and have the skill to get into their husband's
private E-mail. Married men beware -- your spouse can detect cheating at
the same time you're planning to do so."
TANNER: One of the gents I wrote to admitted that he hadn't had any sex
with his wife, whatsoever, in five years and he was actively seeking encounters
outside the marriage. The key, in this case, was ... he had his wife's blessing
to do so. Can you believe that?
LOREN: "Yes, I can. It works both ways. I communicated with quite a few
older women who were sexually active while their husbands had lost all
TANNER: Did they have the husband's okay to get laid elsewhere?
LOREN: "No -- that's the rub! These older men who can't get it up anymore
won't let the wife enjoy herself. She goes secret and places a sexually
explicit ad on an adult site and puts herself at risk."
TANNER: You mean hubby can track E-mail and open a whole new dangerous
can of worms.
LOREN: "Right on the money -- the husband will be even more aggressive
in doing so because he can't stand the reality -- he's lost it and is unable
to deal with the truth!"
TANNER: I talked with a number of single men who respond to females looking
for great sex. Sometimes they know the lady is married and they're willing
to take the risk. I shiver at the thought. An irate husband, who might
find out, can be deadly. It doesn't matter if the husband isn't satisfying
his wife -- he will go after the other guy out of ego alone!
LOREN: "Weed out the fake ads (there are hundreds) and consider the vast
numbers of men and women seeking a great sexual encounter. Be aware, be
careful ... pick and choose before you set up an encounter. Talk on the
phone (non-sexually) to get a feel for the other person. DO NOT send a
potential sex partner any written directions to your home. Your phone
number can be tracked as well so make sure it's safe to give it out. I
hate to say it, but most men are sloppy with how they handle their E-mail.
That's a direct reference to my friend Ashley's experience."
TANNER: You get no argument from me on that level. After writing to more
than one hundred men (of all ages) looking for a sexual encounter I was
amazed at the risks most of them are willing to take. Several guys simply
love the idea of getting it on with a married woman while her husband's
at work. That's asking for deep trouble. Most of those dudes are also
married and would go crazy if they found out their wives were entertaining
other men the same way!
LOREN: "Here we are in 2004 and we still live with a double standard."
TANNER: That we do. Thank you Loren, what's your bottom line?
LOREN: "If you're female, single or married, seeking sexual encounters
DO NOT put your address or directions to your place in writing. If you're
married, make sure your E-mail can't be accessed by your spouse."
TANNER: Add to that, if you're male, married or single -- follow the same
LOREN: "Are we done here?"
Tanner: One last comment: no judgment here, just a statement. Loren and
I have been married for nearly eight-years. We swing, produce adult videos/DVDs
and Loren performs, on-camera, with other gentlemen while I shoot and
direct the action and often get involved. There is no jealousy, secrets,
hidden E-mail or any risk. We love and enjoy what we do I would hope all
of you could adopt a similar attitude with your sexuality.
LOREN: "Very nicely said my dear."
Tanner: Thank you my love -- until next time -- take care!
Loren & Brandon Tanner
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